Mental Health - Confessions #3: Body Image

For this College Confession, I will be focusing on one entry from a reader that describes her experience with her body image struggles throughout her time at college. The submission is really well-written and I don’t want to interrupt the flow of it, so my response will be at the bottom! 

As someone who grew up playing lots of sports and generally being very active, college was a huge adjustment for me. I was accustomed to structured exercise and home cooked balanced meals as a staple of my routine. Coming to college and now having to figure out both of those elements on my own along with a high volume of drinking and late night eating was a difficult endeavor. When I went home for winter break and had my annual well visit, unsurprisingly I had gained weight. 

I had consciously been trying to avoid “the freshman 15” but frankly, I didn’t know how (also more on how screwed up that term is later). What I did know was that society had told me gaining weight was “bad.” I came back from winter break with a better grasp on what amount of exercising works best for me, a more balanced approach to the unlimited, self-serve ice cream machine and overall a clarified mindset of what a “healthy” lifestyle looked like, ready to take on second semester. 

A friend of mine came back from winter break in the midst of a challenge with her dad, brother and a few of her dad’s friends of who could lose the most weight. I would come to the table with my plate filled with half veggies, a quarter protein and a quarter carbs (thanks mom!) to her eating only a veggie burger and coffee (since water would cause her to put on weight). People would comment on other people’s eating habits - can 2021 be the year we stop saying, “wow that’s so healthy of you” when people eat a salad? Or better yet, the year when we just stop commenting on peoples’ food. Maybe this uncovered an issue that was there all along, but this “challenge” was extremely unsettling for me. While it’s not fair for me to blame all of my issues on my friend’s actions, as someone who had just barely found their footing in the balance department, this was an easy disruptor. 

I wish I could better remember how it all transpired, but what I do remember is being completely consumed by calories. How many I was burning, how many I was eating, what food the dining hall was serving that day. I literally would look up the menu the night before and plan my meals to avoid being “tempted” by any foods that would be too many calories. Like most retired athletes, I depended on running as my main form of exercise and started tracking every mile and pace I completed. Honestly, it was exhausting and frankly I couldn’t even tell you if it worked. But what I can tell you was how generally unhappy and consumed I was with losing “the freshman 15.” 

What people don’t tell you is as women, our bodies naturally put on weight as we age. It’s healthy and it’s supposed to happen. Yes, in college we drink and eat more than maybe a registered dietitian would recommend, but we are also ages 18-22 and are supposed to be enjoying some of the prime years of our life. The noise around the “freshman 15” can be paralyzing and honestly for no good reason. We’re all trying to figure it out while adjusting to a completely new world. Who cares if you carry some extra weight? The time a campus officer drives you and your friends at 1 a.m. to get pizza will be a memory you laugh about until you graduate. I wish someone had told me that the memories that come of these times will far outweigh the stress of gaining weight. 

I completely empathize with anyone struggling to strike the “healthy” balance in college. As a current senior I still wouldn’t say I have it figured it out. It can be extremely difficult being surrounded by people who are also struggling with figuring out the balance. People show it in very different ways - some healthy coping and some definitely not. We’re all surrounded by people in the peak physical states of their lives and it can be incredibly easy to fall into a comparison trap. But with all of that said, the best advice I can give to anyone struggling with this is the amount you weigh is literally the least interesting characteristic about you. I can promise you NOBODY cares or notices your body nearly as much as you do. College is far too short to waste time consuming yourself with the need to lose weight. 

P.S. if you are in a place where you feel your relationship with food / body image / exercise is out of control please seek help! There are so many great resources that are readily able to help! Sending you love! 

My Response

Whether you are a college-aged girl or you’re not, I think that there is something in this submission that everyone can relate to. 

The Freshman 15
This is something that is literally ingrained in our brains before we even graduate high school. Like this person said, “The noise around the “freshman 15” can be paralyzing and honestly for no good reason.” Somehow, it seems as if it comes up in every conversation, whether it’s with a friend’s mom or your cousin or your best friend. Before you even leave for school, you are planning in your head how you will stay active. Whether it’s joining club soccer or making sure you have time to go to the gym between classes, everyone is so preoccupied and honestly scared of coming back from first semester and having people notice that they gained weight. Here is a friendly little reminder that someone else’s weight is no one else’s business! 

Food Comments and Competition

The part where she referred to people commenting on each other’s eating habits is something I am 100% guilty of doing - telling someone they are sooooo healthy and good for them if they are eating a salad while I choose to eat pizza. I think I do it less now that I am older, but it is definitely something I have done. 

Something else I do? Sometimes, there are days where I eat breakfast and then don’t eat again until dinner because I am at work and didn’t pack lunch. If one of my coworkers is going on break and they say they are going to eat some fabulous pasta dish they made, I will announce that I haven’t eaten since breakfast. I honestly don’t even realize I am doing it and I honestly don’t think I do it with the intent of looking for a, “Wow Megan good for you!” Because that isn’t good. My roommate brought up a point the other week about how college kids brag about going to bed super duper late because they were doing homework or studying. First of all, get some sleep. Second of all, no one is keeping score! Same with food. It’s time that we stop commenting on how much or how little we eat as if it is a competition. 

Dining Hall

Another thing I want to respond to is when she was talking about the dining hall. The dining hall at school is wonderfully overwhelming in every way possible. Buffets used to be something that represented some sort of celebration I would attend with my family a few times a year. Once I got to college, every single meal was an unlimited buffet. Sometimes I would end dinner with literally 7 plates and bowls. AND THAT’S OKAY. Like this person said, at home we are used to having “structured exercise and home cooked balanced meals.” Once we get to school, we have to adjust and figure it all out on our own. If that means you end a meal with 7 plates, bowls and cups stacked on top of each other like the Leaning Tower of Pisa, so be it. Another thing is comparing what you eat to what your friends next to you are eating. If one of your friends gets a salad and you are on your third round of lasagna, good for you. Bon appetit. You might think they are, but no one is judging what is on your plate, how many times you get back up for more and even how many plates you end up with. A lot of times, it is all in our heads. People are way too consumed with what they are literally consuming to be worried about what you are. 

Nights Out

One thing that wasn’t explicitly mentioned in this submission that I want to bring up is what happened when we would go out at night. Crop tops and tight bodysuits are the standard uniform for a girl who is going out in college. You know what doesn’t mesh well with tight, non-breathable fabric? Literally any food that has any substance. If I was going out, I would either eat dinner really early to give myself time to digest or I just wouldn’t eat dinner. A bag of Nut Thins and some random dry cereal or whatever I had in my dorm room would have to do. Junior year me is really punching freshman year me in the stomach right now. I seriously skipped the best worst food court Chinese food I’ve ever had just so I could look “good” six hours later? What. A. Shame. Oh, and let me tell you, no one is huddled up in the corner at a party with their friends trying to gauge what you ate for dinner and how bloated your stomach is. I am sure you look like a rockstar before and after eating a solid meal and don’t let anyone (or your own head) tell you otherwise! 

This is such an important topic and I am so fortunate that I received such a great submission that I think touches on a lot of the body image struggles and topics that college kids go through.

Mental Health - Confessions #2

October 10th is World Mental Health Day. In honor of this, I wanted to put together a college confession to help raise awareness about what many of our friends and family members are going through daily. For those of you who read the blog, you know how these work: People share their experiences with me on different topics, whether it’s transitioning to college, greek life, hookup culture, etc. Another one of the topics is mental health and because today is October 10th, I wanted to share some more stories that were sent to me. Normally, I write a few sentences after each submission, sharing my own thoughts. I felt that it wasn’t my place to do so this time around and that the focus should really just be on what is being shared.

Thank you to everyone who felt comfortable sharing their thoughts with me and with those who read the blog. 

#1

“I’ve had issues with my mental health since middle school but it never became a real burden on my studies and relationships until I got to college. After a long and emotionally tolling journey, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. 

Part of the reason it took me so long to be diagnosed is because a symptom of the manic “mood” of bipolar is having extreme high thoughts of yourself, which always made me think my depression was just a funk I had to get out of. I would go to therapy and quit weeks later because I thought I knew better than my therapist once I became manic and had god-like self confidence. It was also difficult for me to accept my diagnosis because the understanding of bipolar I created from the media and the stigma against it is not at all what the actual condition is. 

It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done but I stuck with treatment. There were so many times when I just wanted to give up because I thought I was helpless. I’m now on medication that makes me finally feel like myself again. I had to learn that it’s okay to ask for help, and people around me WANT to help. It will always get better as long as you make an effort to help yourself.” 

#2

“I think mental health is much more prevalent than we sometimes seem to acknowledge. It would be a wonderful world if we could live without fears and anxieties, but that in fact is not our world, and that is definitely not what 2020 has set up for us so far. This being said, now is the most crucial time to reach out to others, support each other, and most importantly, support yourself! While I wouldn’t necessarily label myself an introvert, I do value my alone time so I can recharge mentally and better prioritize my wellbeing.” 

#3

“I’ve always been an advocate for mental health, and I’m very fortunate to have always had a very strong mental health. However, having to be extra pre-cautious due to chronic illness and college courses don’t mix well. I feel as though every time I get back up something comes to knock me back down, and I’ve noticed myself start to deteriorate but I’m doing all the positive things I can do to stay mentally strong. Type 1 Diabetes greatly impacts your brain functioning and the thinking process, so if my blood sugar is off at all in any way shape or form, it can cause a lower performance level. So, keeping my blood sugar perfect especially for exams is a full time job. Anxiety, stress, anything you can think of, affects blood sugar levels. So if I get anxious, I can cause a blood sugar spike. If I get really upset, it’ll crash.”

#4

“I thought my mental health would improve when I came to college because college admissions were my main stressor in high school. When I got here, that wasn’t the case and my first semester was super hard on my mental health. I did not expect to have such a hard time making friends and finding things to do that made me happy. This semester has been pretty hard too - I moved off campus and don’t want to have people over because of COVID but I also can’t visit other people’s places that live on campus because of the rules. I’m also balancing a full time job and an overloaded course schedule, so keeping everything organized and getting everything done on time has been challenging which just further contributes to my stress. Calling my family and friends a lot has helped me on bad days. I’m hoping things start to improve in terms of COVID so we can return to some sense of normalcy soon.” 

NOTE: This submission is a little longer and a little heavier than the others. 

#5

“Like most people, transitioning into college is a stressful time and I never realized how much I relied on my mom until I left home. I don’t mean in a physical “what are we having for dinner” sense. I mean on a complete emotional level. My mom has always done a great job at keeping me level headed and when I first moved away from home, I realized it was only my job to do this. While I have struggled with anxiety since elementary school, this was the first time I had to deal with it away from home and without my mom. I was absolutely ruined. Most nights I wouldn’t be able to sleep, and I would have to call my mom and sit in silence out of fear of waking up my roommate, or roam the halls of our freshman dorm holding back tears just in case anyone else had stepped out in the middle of the night. I got through it somehow and became self-determined to be happier...I occasionally struggled with the unprovoked anxiety attacks, but I generally made it through freshman spring and sophomore fall unscathed. 

Sophomore spring was a different story. As everyone knows we all got sent home from our schools and were under quarantine mandate by our states. While I was fortunate enough to go home and still be able to participate in my classes, I became obsessed. I had constantly two things on my mind: the increasing threat of the global pandemic and school...I began to fear just about everything that I couldn’t control. Since I could control my schoolwork, I threw myself into it. If I wasn’t eating or sleeping, I was finding a way to engulf myself in homework. I used homework as an escape from my mind’s racing thoughts that wouldn’t stop even when I was asleep. For months I struggled with invasive thoughts and terrible self-talk that eventually drove me to my breaking point. For multiple nights my mother had to hold me as I sobbed because my own mind wouldn’t let me sleep and berated and tore down everything I thought I knew about myself. The days were just as bad. I couldn’t move from my mom’s bed where I had taken up residence and I rotted away day by day...eventually my mom couldn’t endure the pain of watching her only child wish she wasn’t born. She did her research and got me in touch with a therapist, someone who specialized in general anxiety and depression. My mom knew I was never going to be able to take such a step myself, and for her to make that decision I could never be more grateful. 

It has now been a few months since I started working with a therapist. I can truly say that she helped save me. Our weekly sessions help to alleviate the anxiety that I have had boiling up in me since I was a child. While therapy isn’t an overnight solution, it has definitely helped me to learn how to navigate my life and college without fearing my every next move. As someone who didn’t think she was going to make it out of the summer, time heals all wounds. Without my mom and my therapist, I am not sure I would even call myself a college student right now. I have never been happier than I am right now and I can owe that all to my mom and my willingness.” 

Thank you for reading!

Mental Health - Confessions #1

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Because of this, I decided that the first College Confessions of the month will be geared around the topic of Mental Health. I did some Googling on the web and found that changes in experience can cause a change in your mental health or personality. What bigger change in experience is there than going off to college and being on your own? Your surroundings are different, the people are different, the food is different the routine is different. Your bed is different - this one is drastic. 

Obviously, changes in your mental health can occur before going off to college. I’m not an expert. The goal of this post is just to spread awareness and to maybe make someone feel as if they aren’t the only ones going through a difficult time. With that being said, let’s get into it. 

“I lost 10 pounds in the first month of school because I was so anxious that I couldn’t eat. I was crippled with anxiety through most of first semester even though I had great friends and was in the sorority I wanted. My point is that even if things seem so great the transition is still extremely difficult and can really take a toll on people’s mental health. Most people go through something like this and don’t say anything because they feel like they are the only ones but so many people feel this way.” 

Anxiety affects people in different ways. Some people, like this person, lose their appetite. I, on the other hand, gain an appetite for five. I think my favorite thing about what this person said was how all of this was happening despite having great friends and getting into the sorority that she had wanted. Everything could be crossed out on your college do’s checklist but still create a space that can’t seem to be filled. Don’t be deceived by social media folks. 

“While I always had anxiety, second semester it grew to an extent I had never experienced before and frankly did not know how to handle it. I isolated myself from my friends. I essentially went to class, club meetings and the library every single day. I started going to therapy to address my growing anxiety and though that overall was a positive experience, in the beginning that isolated me more as I felt embarrassed and in denial to admit that things were no longer in my control.” 

I experienced something super similar to this in the sense that I also was bombarded with a wave of anxiety my second semester of freshman year that I didn’t know how to handle. I had never experienced something like it before so I didn’t have the coping mechanisms built up in my back pocket to reach for. That’s the thing with anxiety or any other mental health condition - it may feel like things are no longer in your control when really, it’s all about what you do to try and change it. Whether it’s going to therapy, changing your environment, journaling or finding a new source of entertainment and focus, there are things you can do to change your mindset. 

Continued...

“The second semester continued down a negative trajectory and by the end of Spring break I sobbed to my parents about having to go back to school and seriously considered not returning for the remainder of the semester. I knew inside that I had the capability to push myself and I could do it - it wouldn’t be easy but I was strong and capable of facing the challenge. Looking back, I am so glad that I pushed myself to get through that semester. To be blunt, it was awful, but I know I am in a better place now and gained a lot from the challenges I was presented with.” 

Sometimes, it’s worth sticking it out and finishing out the year. I like how this person said that deep down they knew that they could do it and go back and are happy that they went through with it because they ended up learning and gaining a lot from it. We are stronger than we think! 

“There is absolutely no shame in seeking help and taking the steps that you know are best for yourself whether that’s seeking therapy, taking time off from school, switching schools or even dropping out altogether. Though we may portray it otherwise, nobody’s college experience is perfect and we all go through difficult times at some point and we need to do a better job of normalizing that.” 

I like this a lot. I feel like everybody has this preconceived notion that college is going to be the best thing that has ever happened to them. Almost everybody goes through a little bump in the road though, whether it’s a friend situation, grades, homesickness, whatever. College also isn’t for everyone. I know that I personally grew up in an area where not going to college seemed like a straight up SIN. Not everybody has the same life plan as everybody else. It’s okay to do what you feel is best for you, even if it seems like it is majorly going against the grain. 

“My experience with college for the most part was amazing but my sophomore year I suffered a pretty tragic loss in my family. Being at school and being so far away from everyone who knew her and loved her made it very difficult for me to cope. I didn’t know who to reach out to or who to tell because no one knew who she was. I suffered for a while on my own because I truly just didn’t know what to do. People can and should reach out to those who care about them at school because you’d be surprised by how much people want to help but they don’t know HOW because they haven’t experienced it themselves.” 

Even though I thankfully haven’t experienced a tragic loss while in college, I unfortunately know at least three people who have. I tried being there but it’s hard when you can’t relate to what they are going through. Losing anybody while no longer living at home full time is something I can’t even imagine having to deal with. For this person, it happened during their sophomore year. Even though that allowed at least a year for them to get to know people and make some friends, those people are not the people you’ve grown up with and known your entire life. I understand why it was difficult to reach out for that reason. You don’t want to seem like you are putting this heavy information on someone you seemingly barely even know. But trust me, if they are your friend, they want to help. And they want to be there for you. And like I said before, whether it’s therapy or talking to a friend or a counselor at school, reaching out and just venting and talking about things is so important and healthy. 

“I think the environment of college can have both positive and negative effects. I’ll start with the positive: the environment is more mature so people are more understanding and helpful, more people are open about their struggles (at least at my college). This allows you to connect with people you can relate with and be in the same boat. That wasn’t as frequent in high school for most people. The negative side is that your comforts from home are gone, the big one for me is privacy. Being confined to your dorm room, especially when you have roommates who won’t leave, you don’t have the space you normally would to be alone and rest. For me, the dorms created a feeling of constantly being watched, thus a lot of what I was feeling would be pushed down and hidden. I would find myself crying silently and not leaving my bed. My social anxiety and this constant feeling of being watched (which I know isn’t true - everybody is focused on themselves) would force me to stay home and not go places, even the dining halls at times.”

This one was probably the entry that I could relate to the most. There are totally pros and cons to going off and being on your own in a new place. Independence can be freeing and if it’s lacking it can be suffocating. High school is a place where you are surrounded by people simply because you live in the same area. You most likely didn’t choose to go to that high school, your parents did. College is different because you do get to choose where you go and a lot of times it’s based off of your interests, resulting in being surrounded by like minded people. 

Going from having your own space at home to having to share a shoebox with a stranger isn’t the easiest thing to do. So long, farewell to your alone time. You’re lucky if you get 30 minutes of peace and quiet. You never know when your roommate is going to come back. I also gained the feeling of constantly being surveilled and watched during my freshman year, feeling like I constantly had to look over my shoulder. But like this person said, and like my parents always said to me, “everybody is focused on themselves” - nobody cares what you do. College is sooo every man for themselves, and sometimes that can feel lonely. 

Okay, so here are my tips that I have gathered from these entries: 

1. If you feel too socially anxious to go to the dining hall, ask a friend if they want to Uber or walk somewhere off campus to make it fun and special. Try and make it a weekly thing that you can look forward to! 

2. Never feel like you have to keep things to yourself. That’s what therapists, sisters, parents, dogs, journals and literally talking to yourself in the mirror are for. 

3. This is tough, but try and stay off of social media and refrain from posting every single time you go out. It’s a never ending cycle and competition of who looks like they’re having a better time and trust me, looking back on the posts you will realize that that party at the lax house or Apple Beta Pie wasn’t that fun. 

4. Get a stuffed animal. Or a pillow. Sometimes you just want to hold something. 

5. Try and get out of your room or off campus. Go on a walk, go to the gym, go to the bookstore, go to a Starbucks. Go somewhere. Freshman year I liked to go to the Barnes and Nobles in this shopping center that was about 25 minutes away. It was so relieving to be in a different environment and you might even find that you can focus better. 

6. Write home! Please don’t be that kid whose parents have to check in with their friend to make sure they are doing well. Call home. Text your parents. I know my parents probably wish I would STOP texting them - I am an ongoing all day talk show keeping them up to date with what I eat, when I pee, who I saw, whatever. Just do it please. It’ll make them and you feel better.

7. If you are feeling overwhelmed, remember this: It’s all going to be okay. Take a deep breath. Order in your favorite food. Take a shower. Pop some popcorn and either phone a friend or watch a guilty pleasures movie.

College, man. It’s a lot. But it’ll be totally fine. Promise.