“I go to a small school. We only have a few sororities but it’s kind of a big thing to be in one and a lot of social stuff revolves around being in them. There was one that did dirty rush in the Spring before official recruitment so a ton of girls my year already knew they were going to get into ____. I wasn’t so nervous about getting in. I had a ton of people vouching for me and I really got my hopes up and luckily made it to pref night. But in the morning I didn’t get a bid from them which meant I was not going to be in a sorority. The next week was horrible for me. I was super upset and didn’t want to be around anyone. It’s still really hard seeing all my friends go out to a ton of things I can’t get into but it is getting easier. Now when I go out, if a frat asks me what I’m in, I have to say I’m unaffiliated so the people at the door think I’m in a secret one to prove I’m normal. I can’t just say I’m not in one. I chose a small school so I wouldn’t have to deal with it not realizing how important it actually is.”
The reason why I chose to highlight Greek Life this week is because a lot of people are returning second semester to rush and the reason why I chose this confession to start with is because it’s one I can heavily relate to.
I too, went to a small school my freshman year where Greek Life dominated the social scene. It felt like if you weren’t in it or on a sports team, there was nothing else for you to do or no other way to be a part of the social scene there. Dirty rush was something that was done the second you stepped foot onto the campus - literally, a girl was moving me into my dorm and put her number in my phone to text me that night about something happening.
Getting texts, follow requests, being asked to lunch and coffee. All of these things became so important. When some of my friends got asked to grab a drink by one girl and I didn’t, I would brush it off but it bothered me a little bit -first sign of me wondering why I wasn’t good enough. Eventually I made some solid connections with a bunch of girls in different houses and I was feeling good. I was friendly with everyone but I definitely had my mind set on one or two houses. Bad idea. Don’t do that.
I too thought I was all set. Rush was a stressful, tiring experience but I knew that in the end it would all work out. And it did in the end, just not the way I thought. I was dropped by the one house I pictured me and all my friends being in together. I was the only one out of us dropped and right after I found out, I found my closest friend to tell her and started to cry while doing so.
Hold up. I started to cry? Me? Over something like this? Bizarre I know. I was just genuinely so shocked and confused.
What did I say? What did I do wrong? What happened to those lunches? Those coffee dates? The texting over winter break asking which dress I should wear and how my outfits looked? I then learned that there was a point system that sororities had when it came to dirty rush and I realized I was just another sticker on their chart. I immediately knew that from that moment on nothing would be the same. All of the people I hung out with were going in one direction and I was going in another.
The reason why it stung for so long was because I was rejected. It was one of the first real rejections I had ever received in my entire life. And it was the one that hurt the most. When a boy rejects you, it sucks. Whatever. You move on. When a group of girls reject you, though, it’s much different. Much harsher.
I did ultimately get into a sorority, but I decided that in the end it wasn’t something I was interested in. It was a perfectly fine house with a group of the nicest girls, but my head wasn’t in it. It’s such a huge time commitment. I don’t really like being told what to do. And I didn’t feel like having to go out four times a week. I like to sleep.
Of course, I could’ve gone out to parties with my friends. But why would I want to go somewhere where the older girls didn’t want me? It was uncomfortable seeing people. It was uncomfortable when boys asked me if I was in ___ or ____ and I had to say none. They would go “oh.” I felt like an outsider.
I look back and think why didn’t I get into those two houses I thought I was a shoe-in for?
Easy.
House Lalala: I talked about chicken fingers literally the entire time with the older girls. This really cool chicken finger place I like, I decided would be my main focus of conversation. They were probably vegetarian.
House Bleebloopbla: As I was hugging the girl who was matched with me at pref goodbye, I knocked over my glass of sparkling apple juice all over the couch. I was clearly too much of a liability. I get it.
Why did I care so much about what these girls thought? I barely even knew them and they definitely didn’t know me.
I think I’m the funniest girl I know - my sister will agree to disagree. I think I’m nice. I like the way I dress. I like to have a good time but I am realistic. I’m a catch, and my mom thinks so too.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t upset about the whole thing when it happened. It’s a total blow to the ego. I had older girls from other houses I didn’t get into coming up to me at bid day and hugging me and apologizing, or texting me that night long paragraphs about how they wish it could’ve been different.
I hugged her back and said it was sooo fine and I didn’t respond to the text, or the three dozen other ones I received. How silly how big of a spectacle it was! I’m sure there are people who even thought I transferred because of it. But guess what, I didn’t.
I now go to a school where Greek Life isn’t as big of a focus. I contemplated rushing for a little bit, thinking it would be a much different experience. I decided that it’s just not something I need to do.
That being said, I have absolutely nothing against those who do decide to rush - it’s just not for everybody. It is a great way to meet people and if it’s something you want to do I say go for it. But don’t feel like you HAVE to do it just because all of your friends are or because you feel like it’s the cool thing to do. If you have a pit in your stomach thinking about rushing, I think that probably means you know deep down you don’t want to do it.
Don’t be upset if things don’t work out the way you thought they would. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. It’s so cliche to listen to but it’s true. You really do find ~your people~ whether it ends up being in the house or the new people you meet outside of it.
Disclaimer**
I’m not ANTI Greek Life. This is just my story that I used to go off of the submitted entry. It’s my experience with Greek Life and it certainly isn’t the same as everyone else’s. I have tons of friends who love being in a sorority or a fraternity. I’m just one of MANY who go through the rush system and in the end get the result they didn’t anticipate. But honestly, I’m glad it worked out the way it did. I didn’t see it at the time obviously, but I do now.